Null Tower, Midgard City, Earth
A Nullbot enters the apartment of Noriko Null, hastily refurbished with the bare essentials after she moved back to her secondary base.
The robot is holding a cup of hot coffee in its hands; it’s intended for its mistress, who is currently occupied in a discussion with a hologram.
<Not now.> Gilgamesh warns the robot, which stops in its tracks.
<Absolutely out of the question. I don’t have time for any of this crap.> Noriko objects.
<The Olympian Senate has the right to be updated on the Medusa attacks, Lady Null.> the hologram of Liosthenes, current Prime Minister of Olympus, reminds her.
<They can read my report once I’m done dealing with her. A Senate hearing is a waste of the entire galaxy’s time.> she insists.
<With all due respect, what was the point of making me Prime Minister if you’re going to do whatever you want regardless of what the elected government thinks?>
<The Senate will be informed once I’m done saving their butts and those of the people who elected them. Null out.> Noriko ends the transmission, turning towards the Nullbot and yelling:
<And what do you want!?>
<Your quintuple shot of espresso is ready.> the robot informs her, holding up the cup.
<Maybe I don’t need any more caffeine.> she sighs, and the Nullbot takes a step back.
<Wait, where are you going? I didn’t say I’m not gonna drink it!> Noriko says, grabbing the cup fast enough to nearly spill it.
The Nullbot is obviously not bothered by her behavior, leaving the apartment as Noriko sits on the couch next to Gilgamesh.
<He’s right, you know.>
<Coffee calms me down.> she lies, blowing on the cup.
<I meant Liosthenes. Antagonizing the Senate so soon after your latest reform is not…>
<Since when are you an expert on politics?>
<I was a king.> he reminds her.
<Didn’t you go to your quest because your people thought you were terrible at being a king?>
<Where did you get that ridiculous idea?> Gilgamesh asks.
<Mythology.>
<Well, Earth mythology has some serious gaps when it comes historical accuracy.>
<Meaning you were actually good at your job?>
<So, I couldn’t help noticing that you didn’t tell Liosthenes about your plans.> he completely changes the subject, believing to have been skillful enough for her not to notice.
Noriko finds it endearing enough not to challenge it.
<Liosthenes would either try to convince me that it’s too dangerous or commit more resources to it, which would only slow us down. His heart is in the right place, but I’m not so sure he would understand my strategy.>
<I have trouble following it as well. But it’s getting late, you better get some rest.>
<I’ve got time. We’re not leaving until tomorrow morning.>
<Noriko, we talked about this. You need to schedule some rest; as amazing as your mind is, your body is still mortal.>
<I know, I know. I could use some of those demigod genes keeping you awake for weeks. But the plan’s very simple when you get down to it. We take Prometheus, go back to the Empyrean and…>
A golden light suddenly illuminates the living room, heralding the arrival of two goddesses.
They both have the bronze skin of the Ur people and wear elaborate dresses that leave one shoulder exposed. One of them has very elaborate jewelry woven into her hair, while the other one has literal cow horns growing out of her head and is noticeably more well-endowed.
<Are the concepts of knocking or calling alien to all pantheons? Seriously, at least one of you must have considered the possibility of not showing up unannounced.> Noriko quips, expecting Gilgamesh to find the jab amusing.
But she sees that her boyfriend has been extremely quick to knee in front of the newcomers, going as far as touching the ground with his forehead.
<What are you doing?> she wonders.
<Is the concept of paying respects to your superiors alien to this galaxy?> the cow-horned goddess says, looking down at Noriko.
<Apparently so, since you’re still standing.> the mortal replies, calmly sipping her coffee while staying firmly on the couch.
<She means no disrespect, mother.> Gilgamesh pleads.
<Wait, that’s your mom!?>
<I am Ninsun, Lady Of The Wild Cows, Daughter of Anu and Urash, Widow of King Lugalbanda of Uruk. Your servant should have been taught this, son of mine.>
<She’s not my servant, mother. She’s my mate.>
<Really.> Ninsun says incredulously, staring at Noriko for a few seconds.
<I suppose she could be considered an upgrade from the hairy man-beast who made you dishonor your family, son of mine. At the very least she almost passes for a woman.>
<You haven’t seen your son for literally the past million years and your first priorities upon seeing him again are mocking his sexuality, denigrate his lost lover and make fun of his girlfriend? I though my mother was crap, but she has some competition.> Noriko notes.
<Noriko, please…>
<I should transform you into a cockroach for uttering those vile words, mortal, but…>
<Are you finished? I didn’t travel a hundred million light-years for your family drama, Ninsun.> the goddess with jewels in her hair interrupts.
<And you would be…?> Noriko asks.
<Sarpanit, Voice Of The Deep, Empress of Babylon, Daughter of Enki and Erua.>
<You’re Marduk’s wife.> Noriko realizes from mythology.
<And what is your name?> Sarpanit asks her.
<You came all the way from your galaxy to my living room; you can’t possibly need to…>
<Where we come from, it is customary to introduce oneself by full title.>
<If you have one besides “Plaything of Gilgamesh”, that is.> Ninsun adds.
<Noriko Null, Daughter of Bob, Empress of Olympus, Slayer of Gods, Regent of Hell, Executioner of the Celestial Dragon, Destroyer of Eden, Wielder of the Nexus. A bit long to put on a business card, I’ll admit, but “Lady Cow” is also fine I guess.>
<“Lady Of The Wild Cows”.> Ninsun corrects her.
<What brings you all the way to my galaxy, Lady Sarpanit?>
<I bring sad news. Emperor Marduk, Lord of Lords, Sage of the Universe, Son of Enki and Damgalnuna, has been murdered.> she informs her.
Despite the fact that she’s talking about her husband, there is absolutely no emotion on her voice or on her facial expression.
<Lemme guess. Medusa and Skorpios.>
<They also murdered Nabu, Ishkur and Shamash. The entire Inner Circle of Babylon is gone, swiftly erased in a single strike.> Sarpanit informs her.
<And that is in addition to Isis and the Greek goddesses Rhodos, Despoina and Calypso. We should rally the Sumerian pantheon instead of wasting time here; a mere mortal can’t be of help against someone who killed eight gods.> Ninsun adds.
<Nineteen.> Noriko says.
<Didn’t you hear me? They killed eight gods.>
<I meant that I killed nineteen gods. So far. So how about you stop wasting my time, Lady Cow, and lemme do my job?> Noriko asks, her tone getting harsher and her silver eyes shining.
<“Lady Of The Wild Cows”.> Ninsun mumbles.
<Word of your feats reached Babylon, but… nineteen?> Sarpanit repeats.
<Demeter, Hephaestus, Selene, Tiamat, Phobos, Deimos, Artemis, Serket, Sobek, Nephthys, Apollo, Ares, Harmonia, Tyche, Eris, Proteus, Triton, Poseidon and Baal. Now, would any of you care to tell me why the f##k you’re bothering me?> Noriko asks, having run out of patience.
Ninsun takes a step back, allowing her empress to speak freely now.
<We are currently the highest-ranking gods of Babylon.>
<So you came to me for protection?>
<We came here for Ninsun’s long-lost son.>
<Me? If Marduk couldn’t take down these two, they’re well above my level.> Gilgamesh admits.
<No, we are here to crown you Emperor of Babylon.> Sarpanit reveals.
<Come again!?> the demigod exclaims.
<Nabu was my only son, and he had no children. Marduk’s family line ended with this vile attack.>
<Can’t you rule in his place?> Noriko suggests.
<That is simply preposterous. I am a goddess.> Sarpanit answers, almost offended by the idea.
<So what’s the problem?> Noriko asks.
<Women can’t inherit the throne of Babylon.> Gilgamesh clarifies.
<And there are no surviving male gods in the Babylon Galaxy.> Sarpanit adds.
<Wait wait wait. Skorpios only killed four of those. You only had FOUR GUYS in your pantheon!? How small is your empire!?> Noriko exclaims.
<I will have you know that my son shall now inherit the rule of 247 inhabited planets.>
<Two hundred and forty-seven? Really?> Noriko repeats, looking incredulous at Gilgamesh.
<It’s fewer planets than the last time I was home.> he justifies himself.
<How many fewer?>
<Twelve.> he cringes.
<How many planets do you rule, “Empress”?> Ninsun asks in a mocking tone.
<At the latest census? 6,977 inhabited planets and a little over 11 trillion people.> Noriko answers.
<I see.> Ninsun sheepishly replies, pretending to suddenly be interested in the nearest furniture.
<Why can’t you two take charge? It can’t be that unusual for a goddess to rule, heck Inanna and Ereshkigal rule the two other Sumerian galaxies!> Noriko exclaims.
<My daughter-in-law once made her move to conquer Babylon. Marduk managed to strike a deal: if no goddess could rule Babylon, her sister wouldn’t either. That was enough.> Ninsun reveals.
<Your daughter-in-law?> Noriko repeats.
<Inanna married my half-brother Dumuzi.> Gilgamesh clarifies.
<You’re Inanna’s brother-in-law and somehow this never came up in conversation!?>
<I thought you knew. I didn’t realize Earth’s knowledge of my pantheon was so fragmentary.>
<We’ll talk about that some other time. You can’t dump the throne on Gil just because you don’t feel like doing your job!> Noriko protests.
<Neither of us was born to rule. My son is the offspring of the greatest mortal king to ever rule; he is two thirds divine and one third mortal. Ruling is his destiny.> Ninsun answers.
<If his father was mortal, wouldn’t that make him half a god?>
<My son is more god than mortal.> the goddess adds, without elaborating.
<That makes no sense. Gil, please tell your mother you’ll have no part in this!>
Noriko expected a fierce rebuttal, but much to her surprise Gilgamesh isn’t currently showing an ounce of defiance.
<Are there really no gods left to protect the mortals of the Babylon Galaxy?> he asks his mother.
<Once Marduk fell, all the surviving ones fled. It has been a long time since your kind gave birth to proud leaders like your father, son of mine.>
<Someone has to think of the mortals. And the greatest leaders are those who never wanted to rule… I should know. The greatest ruler I know fought relentlessly against wearing her crown.> Gilgamesh says, looking straight at Noriko.